Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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