So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
