you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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