I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
