Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
