Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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