Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
