I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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