I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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