I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
