the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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