Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
