Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
