So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
