her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
