i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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