so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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