we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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