Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
