Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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