The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
