it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to stop coming to work sober
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
