my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
