Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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