I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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