hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
