After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
