I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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