I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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