I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize