he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
