If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
