So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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