i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
