I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
