Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
