I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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