My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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