I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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