did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
