A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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