So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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