tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
