Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
