Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
