went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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