my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
