I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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