well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
