she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
