I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We have so much sex to catch up on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
