I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
