That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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