His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
