Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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