i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
