We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
