Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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