so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
