DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
