my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
