Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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