I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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