As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
