While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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