so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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