Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dicks are not precious.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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