nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
