I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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