Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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