Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
