is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
