God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
