Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
