This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
