Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
