she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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