I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
