I want you more than these girls want KFC
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
