I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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