he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I looked at my own cervix.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
