I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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